It is friday and I am drunk, but I figured I should post something…

Animal Prank

WTF is going on with this person, in what looks to be a civic. I live by only a few simple rules:

1) If it is to easy, she is to easy
2) NEVER turn the lights on
3) If someone puts their card down, order a drink
4) While driving on an Israeli Highway with wild horses running at you, PULL OVER.

Honestly, you see at 700lb horse running at your car, don’t you stop?

Advice, Animal Accident, HORSE, Israeli Highway, Who's Hand

I got to tell you, if I am going to go early I want to die from sexual exhaustion. Your trying to tell me this sea lion did not die with a smile on his face..PA-LEASE. He is like the Wilt Chamberlain of Sea Lions, banging bitches everywhere.

Mike the sea lion dies of heart failure after marathon mating session at German zoo

By Allan Hall

A male sea lion on has died of exhaustion after a marathon mating session at an zoo in Germany.

The mammal, named Mike who was originally from California, was already a father of 12.

He passed away yesterday after an extended session with the females at the park in Nuremberg proved too much for his heart.

Mike – described as ‘good-natured’ by the zoo – had mated repeatedly with females Farah, Tiffy and Soda. 

A sea lion in California. Mike, originally also from the U.S. state, had mated repeatedly with females Farah, Tiffy and Soda at a German zoo

The park said in a statement that the 550lb mammal began showing tiredness around midday: ‘Mike could no longer get out of the pool and was brought ashore by staff.

‘The extremely weakened animal was treated by a vet but died from acute heart failure around 3:30 pm.

‘Mating season is a common time for fatalities when bulls often stop eating for days to devote themselves fully to mating.

‘For sea lion bulls with a harem this is the most exhausting time.

‘He will be remembered fondly by visitors of the animal park for his appearances during shows in the dolphinarium where he had close contact with the dolphins,’ added the statement.

Mike’s 12 children can be found in zoos all over Europe, from Berlin to Spain to the Netherlands, the zoo said.

He was 19 – two years older than the average life expectancy of a sea lion in captivity

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1201331/Male-sea-lion-mates-death-Germany.html#ixzz0M0nRNcMH

Animal, Sex Sex

Personally, I think cats, and as a matter of fact all animals, should be able to get as fat as they want. Who are we to say they should be “lean”? What good will that do them? They are domesticated and given food whenever they need it… no hunting or running needed. It’s not like they are hitting the beach or trying to impress their friends with their mouth watering physique (Hurricane).

Animal

I just do not understand why there is all this awareness out there for those plastic rings on a 6 pack and how it is vital to break them up so a penguin or fish or something does not die from it. Well how about some got dam awareness for cutting up a yogurt bottle so a squirrels head does not get lodged into it.

Also, hey Kevin you prick, how about you don’t wait until after the squirrel falls to it’s imminent death to go over and help it, how about you put the camera down and save the little guys life. Also, news caster, really “story you have been waiting all day for”??? really, what story is that? about how your team of camera guys are inconsiderate, inhuman, non PETA loving A-Holes?

Animal PETA

How? No Idea
When? As soon as possible
Where? Any town USA

I don’t know how or when, but the where is the easiest, however I promise to all of you that one day I will own a little horse like patches, and I will take an old caddie and remove the front seat so we can ride into town together to get him 5 cheeseburgers. This is the greatest horse I have ever seen, gets you a beer out of the fridge, answers the phone.

On a side note – you got to believe there is some other wierd shinnanegans going on behind closed doors, I just felt like the affection there was not natural

Animal, Sex Patches

So I am not at work today but that does not mean I can not provide our readers with some viewing content. Many people that come to this site always tell me about how we post such gems a “would you” or “who’s hand is that” and say they really love these features. While I am very honored by those comments I am not all about porn, smut, sex, alcohol, drinking, drugs.. did I say porn? I also have a sensitive side. Fine I have cried to Extreme makeover: Home Edition. When I am lonely I have been known to throw on a little diddy called Love Actually. But I swear to god, if you watch the below video and do not get goose bumps, maybe cry and definitely smile I would appreciate you not coming back to this site… OK, come back, but just know I am upset.

Update – Yankees suck. So glad A-Rod got plucked. A-Joba must be running scared because it was his fault.. The Yankee’s bullpen SUCKS.. and PAPI is back.. I think I may have said he was going to break out, but I just can not remember.

Animal

I am just dumbfounded. This has been an epic day. First the whole Kobe raping thing and now this Gem. It is a goat that waves to you on command.

From Metro.uk

A goat has become a star on the internet after learning to wave to people.

Darren the goat stands on his hind legs and gives his special greeting from his pen.

The billy goat spent months mastering his trick after a group of youngsters who visited his enclosure first waved at him as they left.

Animal, Funny

Someone needs to head over to Arthur’s work and ensure he did not pull a David Carradine. USE A SPOTTER!!

From http://www.wwtdd.com/:

“There was a rope tied around his neck and another rope tied to his genitals, and the two ropes were tied together and they hung in the closet,” Lieutenant General Worapong Siewpreecha said, the Times Online reported. “Under these circumstances we cannot be sure that he committed suicide.”

TMZ adds that Carradines family thinks foul play was involved.

Chuck Binder, Carradine’s manager tells us he firmly believes Carradine did not take his own life — nor does he think David died accidentally. Binder says the family  has been told Carradine’s hands were immobilized by the rope.

Animal David Carradine, Kittens

So today is Friday for me. I am off to Vegas to find the love of my life and ask her to Marry me 45 times, then hopefully get married, win the lotto the next day and spend the next 6 months hating her and then actually falling in love with her.. I feel like they could make a movie out of that.

Anyway I probably will not be posting anything today as that is all I can think about but I do have a few things to follow up on.. so lets do it:

• Idol – WTF, it’s officially fixed. America voted off Allison and Lil but the talking heads did not want a 5 guy top 5 so they fudged the numbers and got rid of Anoop Dog.
• Boston Bruins are sick, winning the Cup, cue the f-ing duck boats
• Red Sox V. Yankee’s starts tomorrow night, and I swear to god if Joba throws at Youkilis some very bad things will happen

• I went to the  stadium last night, so now have been to Citi Field and Yankee Stadium and we are in week 2 of the season.. just saying.. Anyway I really liked the site lines it had, really liked the food, REALLY enjoyed the $9 Bud Lights, and liked how Billy’s Sports Bar outside has been refurbished into a Strip Club without strippers.. I did not like how they do not have a stand going around the stadium so you can put your drink down while to stand to watch the game, Citi Field has this
• Hey Atlanta, I realize you are the Hawks, but WTF, really have a halk indoors and you think it won’t roam around.. Idiotic. Hey Hawk, say hello to your motha for me

American Idol, Animal, Red Sox v. Yankees American Idol, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Red Sox, Joba Chamberlin, Kevin Youkilis, NY Yankees